Guaranteed Accomplishment

If you were guaranteed to not fail at your next endeavor, 

what would you do?

I saw this question posted on a a remote job seeking Facebook group that I am apart of. I ended up staring at that question for quite a long time. Wondering. What would I do? What am I supposed to do with that answer? Do you change your life and try to make that answer a reality? 

I have always been a logical thinker. Always trying to stay five steps a head of all possible outcomes in any situation. Sometimes that just doesn't really work out and I wonder if I am trying too hard to grab hold of something that doesn't exist as there is no "oh shit" bar in life. I try to be positive but the logical aspect of my mind just doesn't always allow me to. I wouldn't say that I am a pessimist, I just know when it is time to put all the hopes aside and actually realize what is going on or what could happen and to be prepared. Maybe it stems from some sot of need for control, as if having a plan to resolve all problems will make for a smoother handle of any situation. In the end, it is what I do and at least I am aware so I can work on being a healthier version of me. 

So when I am given a question like that, I never really know how to answer it. I have a flooded mind of ideas, passions, wants, hopes, dreams, and goals. I guess you could say that I am unfocused. I would say that I just have a lot of things that I would love to achieve but I know that some might be unobtainable, therefore, some could be considered back-up goals. There it is again, my logical side, setting me up so I would not be disappointed by failure and having a back-up plan, idea, or option to pick myself right back up again to continue on. 

If you were guaranteed to not fail at your next endeavor, 

what would you do?

Right now, my answer would be to be a Full-Time Artist, selling and creating my own work. As well as a published Fiction Author. What would you do?

Finding Solace in the Unknown

There was once a time where I would often share my life details on the internet. Never too much though but definitely more than I have these last few years. The posts I have been making since Tuesday probably have the most personal details that I have shared on the internet since High School. I have always been reserved about it because I have my share of experiences in the ways of what I guess would be considered stalkers.

Everything from unwanted texts, to unwanted appearances at my place of work, to 8 phone calls from an unknown number within a minute. That last one is not an exaggeration. Really, it is probably under playing what that was like. For two summers I was bombarded with calls after calls from a blocked number. I filed a police report, my friends would answer yelling at the person, I would change my phone number and write down who I would give it to while passing it out very very slowly. At one point, my friend and I were hanging out at a local park and I answered the call. I put it on speaker and set it down next to us as we talked about space, stars, aliens and life on mars. This was back when I had free minutes after 9pm, otherwise I would not have done this but after 20 minutes the line was still connected to the unknown. I picked the phone up, and listened... I could hear movement, or maybe it was breathing. Either way I was terrified by the fact that they had sat there and listened to our nonsense for so long. I hung up. 

To this day, I have no idea who that was. 

Yet, somehow I am not bothered by that fact. I am not entirely sure I want to know who it was. I have my assumptions, of course, but I will not really ever know unless they come forward. But I find solace in not knowing just as I have been finding solace in sharing these details on my website. Writing here has become a point of relaxation and release.

What unknown do you find solace in?

The Antici - - - pation.

(If you did not get that reference, we cannot be friends. Sorry)

Other than my applying to jobs endeavors, I have been working on figuring out how to pay for Jake's, my dog, up coming knee surgery. He tore what is called a cranial cruciate ligament, which is basically the dog equivalent to an ACL. Which requires him to have a TPLO surgery.

The timing of this is really ridiculous. Earlier this year, Jake tore his toe nail clean off, got what is often called cherry eye, diagnosed with Lyme (he could have had that earlier in life because once a dog gets it, they always test positive for it) and he ended up getting this infection between the pads of his paw that caused cysts to develop. The toe nail grew back, in almost perfect condition. The cherry eye went away with steroid eye cream. The Lyme was treated with 200+ pills of antibiotics. The cysts went away with 2-3 daily paw soaks in very warm water with an antibiotic solution over the course of two weeks. And now this, I feel like I cannot catch a break with this boy. 

Now, I can take out a credit card or do care credit or maybe a loan. The thing is, student loans have got me so swamped that my anxiety to have that much debt and the other bills of life plus an other loan/credit card bill is just too much. I am barely even making enough now to actually have anything to save after paying for my monthly expenses. 

How, when, and why did it get so expensive just to live?

I do have the option of just letting Jake's knee heal on it's own. But that will take a year, maybe longer, and with his size the chances of the knee healing correctly are slim. This would more than likely lead him to be a couch potato dog with arthritis. I know he would hate that. I know I would hate to see him like that. We love our adventures and I would love to be able to continue them with him. I could opt for the other surgery for this condition, which is to basically use fishing line to hold his knee in place. With this surgery, I have really only heard of it working for smaller dogs or dogs that don't do much activity as the fishing line can snap. The best part of this whole thing is that the other knee has an extreme chance of tearing now that the first one has. So what do you do in this situation?

My friend made me a GoFundMe for my dog's surgery. I have mixed emotions about it cause I don't want to be one of those people who asks others for help but I owe it to Jake to give it a try. So now I sit here, in anticipation of seeing if or when the GoFundMe website approves the fundraiser, and then I will sit in anticipation to see how much it generates. 

In the end, I will do what it takes to get him that surgery. He is an amazing dog that deserves so much more than the crap he has been through. I wish I could have been there for him for longer than these last two years and I want to make the remaining years great for him.

What are your thoughts on the whole GoFundMe movement? Would you ever consider making one or having one made on your behalf?

 

Follow Jake on Instagram: @jakeandthezoe

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What keeps you motivated?

- Insert cheesy motivational quote here - 

I feel like someone's motivation comes from a deep place within themselves and can actually tell you quite a lot about the person. Humans are the only ones that can be motivated by anything beyond basic needs of nature, right? So, I want to know about the emotional and mental motivators. The deep desires and drives that keep you up at night with slow, always burning embers in your heart.

So, if you don't mind sharing, what keeps you motivated?

(I'm asking real people here, right? Is there anyone out there?) 

 

I can tell you mine, and then I would love to hear what you think my motivator tells you about me. 

Myself, Jake, nature, and travel.

Myself, my happiness and my comfort is my biggest motivator. I want to be happy in everything that I do. My dog, Jake, is also a big motivator. He wants love and attention at all times and I am tired of being away from him for 8+ hours and then spend a few hours with him in the evening before I meet with friends or go to bed. His life is short, and I have only had him since he was 6, so I want to be there as much as I can. Nature and travel are pretty similar. I can't get enough of either of them and there is so much to see. In the end, I'd love to have a remote job that I can do from anywhere, renovate a van or camper and hit the road with Jake for a few months to a year - maybe longer. That is my motivator.  

How do you get over that rough patch?

Life brings joy, sunshine, love, happiness but we can't feel any of that without the complications, storm clouds, and strain. So how do you deal with the rough patches?

Currently experiencing my own rough patch. Which has been created by that endless stream of job ads and applications and interviews with the unsatisfied feeling of finding something that I am actually interested in excelling at. Combine these ingredients with the pressure to just find something that pays more than my current job so I can afford to get my dog that $3k surgery he needs for his knee.

I look at these things and I think "Well, I created my own stress from this all, right? or are these actually stressful events that happen to coincide at the same time?" Really though, does the answer actually matter? Either way, I am feeling it and I need to overcome it before it leaks into other aspects of my life. 

How do you get through it? I'm always looking for new suggestions. I have become really increasingly interested in the things that people do to cope and process their feelings. I have found that everyone handles situations differently, of course that is pretty obvious but what I mean is that we each have a unique way to get by. Why not share the way you do with someone else? Maybe your way with a little bit of their way might actually be more beneficial to you. I feel like, as a society, no one wants to talk about these things. As if expressing stress or dismay about something, no matter how small, is not accepted. It is saved for you and your therapist or your best friend. But why? You are you, I am me, but (outside of mental illness) we all feel emotions similarly, right? Why wouldn't the way you handle things make sense for me to give it a try?

I feel like we should be discussing these things more openly. For some reason, there is this cloud of "enlightenment" going around and that a positive mindset will be the answer to all things. Shove your feels of negativity aside and down - just think positively and that will cure all. What. Show me. Don't get me wrong, I definitely agree that you should always try to find, pull, and create something positive out of any scenario. But that is just not always possible. Shit happens. Deal with it, don't hide it or cloud it with an air of positivity. 

Personally, I find that using this meditation app called Simple Habit while on walks with my dog (see below image I took of him last fall) has really changed the game for me. I also notice that if I don't exercise, specifically outside - in nature, at least 2-3 times a week, I am a wreck. An other thing I do, almost instinctively, is where I have uninterrupted time with me and my bed (and dog, there is really no choice there) possibly with or without a book for at least an hour every few days to just feel human again. 

What works best for you?

Is the "Elevator Pitch" a great way to network?

Honestly, I don't even know. The version I have used has always gone out in an email or in a cover letter. I haven't actually gotten to use it in person yet. Have you? What is your experience?

(Is there anyone out there that is actually reading this?)

All I know is how to put one together. So, lets to do it together. Grab a pen or pencil and some paper. Or go green and use your computer. 

(Yes, I am doing this on my artist website. Why? Because why not, I am making a new one so I figured I might as well step by step do it on here and see what happens.)

Foundation

1. Clear and concise

2. Keep it 30-60 seconds

3. Have a specific audience in mind

4. Know your goals for this pitch

5. Use words that are powerful and strong

6. Use words that create a visual image in the listener's mind

7. Use a story that can illuminate what you do 

8. Use a word, phrase, or story that will instantly hook your listener

Brainstorm

1. Describe what you do in 10-20 different ways

2. What is your objective or goal of giving your speech?

Conclusion

1. Record yourself and come back to it a day or so later to hear it and make edits

2. After listening and reading through what you said make any possible edits.

3. Keep editing and condensing the speech until you have the best pieces put together

4. Record and listen to the new speeches

5. Do a final edit and take out as much unnecessary words as possible

6. Practice it to others, get feedback, make edits and repeat

7. Go out there and use it

8. Never stop changing, editing, and adjusting it 

The Great Pursuit

Everybody can relate to 'The Great Pursuit'

What I mean about that is the pursuit of finding a job that aligns with you, your values, the culture you could bring to a company and making sure the position is actually something you're interested in doing.

Why is that so hard!?

It is my experience that it is so hard to find that diamond of a position for quite a few reasons that are your fault, society's fault, and the potential employer's fault and/or loss. To start it off, you are an adult, you have to learn to take credit for your own faults and work to overcome them. (If you don't think you have faults, you're wrong. Do a mock interview with someone and ask them to critique you with the blunt and honest truth. Do not be mad at them when they give it to you.) Those faults may or may not be that you're too lazy to put the work in to find something that actually fits you. Maybe you've backed yourself into a corner and you're at the point of desperation where money is tight and you need something now. Or you have a job now but spending PTO on going to interviews for jobs that you might not commit to is a tough price to pay. It could also be that you have no direction, you don't know what you want or what you're looking for and you're rapidly firing out applications. Rapid fire applying can lead to mix-ups where you don't even remember the job that you applied for and suddenly the company is calling you to set up an interview and you're lost. Which ends up with you showing up to the interview unprepared and you just wing it. Last but not least, as there are plenty more reasons, you didn't research the position, you didn't research the company and you didn't show up with at least one question to ask. And no, that question cannot be just about salary. 

Don't be too butthurt for taking some, if not all, of the blame for your failure to find a job that you want. You can be relieved to know that some of that blame does go towards employers. Remind yourself of that at least once a day. As most employers do not take the time to get to know you or give you the chance beyond what your resume shows. It is as if they don't understand that experience is gained through someone giving you the chance to have it. You can't find a job without experience, but you can't gain experience without a job and you can't live off of a no paid internship. It is 2018, a majority of job seekers have rent to pay, mouths to feed, and student loans to pay - how do you do that with an internship where you are getting "paid with experience". I call bullshit. Everyone started somewhere. Everyone started with no experience. Give someone a chance. Honestly, that is all that it comes down to. I know that it takes money to train someone into the position you want them to be in and it is hard to give someone that time when in the end, there is no proof that it will actually work out. Well, let me ask this - does experience really prove that it will work out? I know myself, and I know that I have a very business savvy mindset and understanding of things that are not reflected on my resume because I haven't had the experience yet to put those skills into use. I can express it as much as possible in the interview, I can try to explain as much as possible in the cover letter or on my resume but it is my understanding that it doesn't matter. If it is not reflected in your job experience then it never happened. 

Now, how fair is that?

How is anyone expected to get anywhere without experience? Well, I guess networking is the answer here but honestly, networking is not that easy and sometimes aint nobody got time for that. I know people working 2-3 jobs just to make rent. How are they supposed to gain experience or network when they barely have time to actually enjoy the sunshine? As a society, we let this continue and hopefully with our coming generations, we can change this as we are the ones who have experienced the difficulty of it the most. 

We have to start giving people a chance. 

 

Until Now

Started to slack on my sketch of the day because I was busy getting things together for the 20th Anniversary MCAD Art Sale! Which was this past weekend and I sold 4, possibly 5, pieces!! Possibly 5 because I forgot to look for a piece when I went back to pick up the rest! hahaha oh man. 

Thanks for purchasing my work at the MCAD Art Sale! I hope you love the pieces as much as I do!

I always end up wishing I could keep the piece after I sell it. They really do become a part of you. 

Everyday: Day 17

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Day 17 - This is based off an old assignment from my college creative writing class. One sentence is given, the second sentence is done, and then a week or so later (or one day) you write what would be the first paragraph of a story. 

Are these thoughts my own, or are they just words written on a screen?  Because lately, I feel like a robot that is repeating the thoughts and words of someone else. Which would make a lot of sense. I don’t even remember the last time I could articulate my thoughts into speech. They always seem to come out different than what I had originally thought.

Everyday: Day 16

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Day 16 - I know this is still cheating, but yesterday made me want to post this! Check out this short video I made during my Junior Year at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design. 

I remember that the assignment had us a pick a period of art and make a video inspired by it. I picked the Surrealist art period with a mix of Freud, fear of nightmares, and the opening credits to American Horror Story.

Everyday: Day 15

in

Day 15 - Doing this every day is really reminding me of school. So I have been digging around in my old computer files from classes and I am just loving the reminders of things forgotten and that I don't have to do millions of hours of homework anymore! #Grateful. Ha

Then I began to wonder, do people even realize how detailed into bones and muscles artists have to study? It has been my experience that people do know that there are figure drawing classes with nude models and that you have to draw skeletons. Anyways, I found these studies in my folders and thought they were really beautiful. I know this is cheating but I am pretty swamped with things to do today, I hope you enjoy them - 

Everyday: Day 13

in

Day 13 - This is based off an old assignment from my college creative writing class. One sentence is given, the second sentence is done, and then a week or so later (or one day) you write what would be the first paragraph of a story. 

The night is young and the sky is bare, it is the perfect evening for mischief.  I throw my backpack over the fence and hoped that no one else saw it as I threw myself after it. Landing on cement is always hard on the ankles. I give myself a moment to feel the pain before I push it behind me and move on. I have a lot more pressing matters to take care of.

Everyday: Day 11

in

Day 11 - Today I drew a design for the best dog harness ever. I want this harness to be real! As a dog mom, it definitely has everything that I would want it to have for the safety and comfort of my dog. I thought about posting it on here, but I decided not to because I think I should look into what I need to do in order to have this produced. So instead, here is a great affirmation:

 

I am the consciousness of success,

attracting success - -  

Everyday: Day 10

Day 10 - This is based off an old assignment from my college creative writing class. One sentence is given, the second sentence is done, and then a week or so later (or one day) you write what would be the first paragraph of a story.

What is your greatest regret? For they bind you down and make life harder. The hardest thing in life is to figure out how to let go and move on from the things that weigh you down. Life is not about dwelling on the past. It is about experiencing everything that you can, good or bad, and learning from it. Life is meant to be an expressionistic painting that you can make a mistake on but no one else will notice it. It becomes apart of the painting and adds to its beauty.

Everyday: Day 9

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Day 9 - I took this picture of Jake a month or so ago and the way he was smiling while tilting his head just reminded me of the laughing hard emoji. So I flipped the image in photoshop and drew it out with some quick shading... made me laugh!

Everyday: Day 8

in

Day 8 - Halloween is just around the Elm Street corner and I am so excited. Definitely my favorite time of the year! Sweater weather, bonfires, fall leaves and Halloween. It is pretty sad to see summer go but I love Minnesota in the fall and having a Friday the 13th during October this year is just a cherry on top of the Halloween Lover's Fall. So here is a pattern with a Halloween theme, probably more to come as well!

Everyday: Day 7

in

Day 7 - This is based off an old assignment from my college creative writing class. One sentence is given, the second sentence is done, and then a week or so later (or one day) you write what would be the first paragraph of a story. 

Beware of everything for everything is trying to kill you. Fear it and you may as well die. That is the first lesson you learn when growing up here. I have seen is happen over and over again. Countless times I have held friends in my arms as they take their last breath. There is no room for fear. And I am beginning to learn that there is no room for sorrow either.

Everyday: Day 6

in

Day 6 - This is based off an old assignment from my college creative writing class. One sentence is given, the second sentence is done, and then a week or so later (or one day) you write what would be the first paragraph of a story.

“You’re full of the energy, I can see the future of our coven’s survival because of you.  You will be the greatest of us all. “ Those words repeated over and over in my head as I struggled with the idea of killing the woman who said it. She had betrayed us all. She had left us all to burn and now I was holding her life in my hands. Literally. My hands are currently around her neck and she is gasping for air. I have to remind myself, either she dies now or we die tomorrow.